A Diary of Nyx
by Thalia Castellan
Summary: After the second Gods vs. Titans war, there are many lose ends to tie up. For one goddess, this means confessing to her......interesting part in the war. Entry for WindowChild and ShadowPalace's one-shot challenge week five.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything affiliated with _Percy Jackson and the Olympians _nor do I claim to.

Contest: This is the third piece I've written for one of WindowChild and ShadowPalace's contests, they have really great writing prompts, go check it out!

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_8/31/09_

It's been thirteen days since the gods won the war against Kronos. Normally, that would be a big deal for me, and I would have written the night the battle was won, or maybe the day after. But as it is, I'm not sure if my team won or not.

See, I was a spy. Only, I was spy for both the Olympians _and _the Titans. Why? Because the Titians gave two of my children, Ella and Miles, high ranking positions. At the same time, I was for the gods because they respected me because Zeus fears my wrath, and because my other daughter, Elenna, was at camp; preparing to fight for the gods.

So torn between the two sides, I spied for both of them.

Now, with the Titians gone, defeated, locked back up in Tuataras, I will be forced to keep the fact that I spied for Kronos a secret. If the gods ever find out, even Zeus' fear of my wrath will not be enough to save me.

Now, as I look down on camp half-blood, I wonder how the gods won. Ella and Miles were well into their twenties, and had been training for over a decade. They are both dead now. Elenna was twelve this May, has only been training for three years, and is alive.

Funny how the stronger falls so often to the weaker.

And the hero who saved us, Luke Castellan. He is dead now, his body burned almost two weeks ago. But the other hero, Percy Jackson, is still alive and well. Why is that? Why is it that Kronos is once again imprisoned, but I still walk the halls of Olympus, unscathed?

It is truly strange, the way our world works.

Even now, some of the gods wonder is Hades' intentions are purely pure, or if he has a trick up his sleeve. They are doubting the very god that saved them, and yet, no one has pointed a finger at me, goddess of the night, mother of death, and said I might be to blame. Their logic eludes me.

And yet, even after thousands of years of being treated as a lesser counterpart, I think that perhaps it is for the best that the Titans are yet again done away with. Even if they might have been fair to us minor gods--and _might _if a key word--the more I think about the fates met by demigods on both sides of the war, the more I think that the war was more about them, and that the gods deserved to win.

See, even if they might be forgetful about claiming their children, and they do often have one-night stands, there is always an explanation to the mother or father of their child afterwards. Never does a mother birth a demigod and not know it's parentage; never does a father wonder why there is a child on their front stoop.

The Titians however, are an entirely different story.

Even in the few years they were free from their prisons, they had sired many demi-titians. And rarely did the mother--as it was almost always some young and unsuspecting girl--know just what she would be dealing with in nine months.

But now I am rambling.

I feel horrible for the loss of Miles and Ella. Unlike some of the gods and all the titans, I do love my children, even if they will wither and die long before I can be bothered to find another man with whom I can sire a child. My love to my children is complicated. But still, they are my children.

If anything, this war has taught me that loyalties are often torn and that even for an immortal, love can be a powerful thing.

Watching from here, in my lofty quarters, I can see Elenna standing quietly by the lake. The son of Hades I met at the party--Nico, I think--is standing with her. They don't appear to be talking, maybe they aren't even together. And yet, there is something about the way the son of Hades is standing, like he is trying to comfort her without saying anything.

Maybe that's why they won the war, the demigods: because they are willing to put their differences aside and stand in one united group and fight to the death for their cause. Such devotion was not something to be found in the titan's troops. And they lost.

And now, despite what I wrote above, I think perhaps I should put aside my doubts, differences, and fears, and face Zeus. Maybe even the whole council. After all, being immortal, it is only a matter of time until they forget about my half-hearted betrayal.

Wish me luck in confessing my crimes to Zeus, and please forgive my scatter-brained paragraphs, my mind is still not up to par,

_Nyx._


End file.
